I’m Back, But Not Quite Back … In The Back

July 20, 2009...2:18 pm

I’m Back, But Not Quite Back … In The Back

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Yes … I do indeed like it in the back. Why? Cause it’s quite and you can hide (it’s OK, I know you were thinking something else … ).

I’ve spent a week without Internet and it has been GLORIOUS!! I recommend it for everyone every six months or so. There is a life outside of the web … and it’s actually kinder that the coldness of keyboards.

I had a wonderful week banging around Portland and going to business meetings all day. I had forgotten how good I actually am AT MY JOB … which encompasses many things such as it is. I had forgotten what a smart and excellent person I am. I was reminded, and I am quite content. I was also reminded that I am VERY good at MANY things and I don’t have to give up one thing for another. My talents are facets of who I am and should not be ignored because of the ideas of others. I am very excellent when I choose to be. I like that.

I also broke a lot of hearts last week. Now I am not proud of that for sure. But I don’t fall easily and I did not fall last week, BUT … I did have LOTS of fun being kind and understanding to a few guys who needed some attention (and keep your dirty mind to yourself I do not play games). I had forgotten that I could be found attractive and wanted by intelligent and kind gentlemen. It was nice to get attention and not feel like a girl freak among whores. Especially these days … the world seems to be full of whores of both sexes.

Whatever … you reap what you sow …

Bottom line?

1. Less Internet usage (only to communicate with real friends and do work).
2. Wasting less time on people who don’t deserve my time (it’s amazing how easily other will take kindness for granted, but then I am aware that I mean very little to others).
3. Focus more on work/music/photography (obviously).
4. Believing in what I can do one day at a time.
5. Healing and getting rid of old wounds (I don’t have time for that shit any more).

This of course is all very personal, and I have MANY varied reasons for needing to focus now more than ever. I’ve learned a hell of a lot the last year that I would not have learned had it not been so … strange and painful.

But those times are done … I am my own ship on the ocean. I am the captain and I am the crew. No one will save me from the hurricane on it’s way. You man your own ship, and we pass into the night and out of the night. I am on the stern, face toward the open sea … but then, that is always the way I have faced …

Truly, your hollow vessels do little to impress me … We can all drown just the same.