I feel like the shit I say should come with a warning. Everything I say in any of these places I write has nothing to do with anyone but me, ever. I’m giving myself pep talks, or just talking for the shit of it. That’s all. It means almost nothing. So therefor disclaimer … I will say what the fuck I want since this is cheaper than therapy.
In other news, two steps forwards and two steps back. Back and forth, moving on, moving nowhere … It makes me laugh 
The moment in your life you get some good things going, some success (or at least a personal wish fulfilled), there is always someone there that wants to take it away form you. Success = people resenting you for it. This all makes me very tired.
Personally I love it when other people reach goals they have set for themselves. I love to see other people get what they want. Especially when it’s friends. Unfortunately I know these sentiments are not always felt towards me. How do you fight against negative energy coming at you from people you consider friends?
Then I stop and remember that life is brutal. There are hardly any people you’ll normally meet that you’ll get to know, who will actually be true. Everybody is just waiting for you to fail so that they can point, laugh and tear you apart to try to get what they want. I’m tired and absolutely will never fall for this method of living. I refuse to be cut throat to get what I want. This obviously means that I will spend most of my life in weird obscurity, success-less and quietly sitting in the corner of the room.
I don’t see this as a bad thing at all. I refuse to sale-out for pettiness and selfishness and lessen my life even more than life already does to me. This does not make me a good person, or someone even trying to be a good person, this just makes me someone with rules. Rules that keep me from being bored during the day.
I try to trust and it just blows up in my face. I’m only 29 and I feel like I’ve learned way to damn much way to damn soon. If I’m gonna get repeats of this for the next 50 years this is going to get boring really, really fast.
4 Comments
October 24, 2009 at 1:57 am
lol. your right of being the author of this blog is you can say whatever you want
October 24, 2009 at 9:02 am
Thanks, glad to get some conformation from someone else.
October 24, 2009 at 9:56 am
<3 you can say whatever you want!
October 25, 2009 at 6:47 pm
I know … I just feel like I should always say less. But it builds up and then the pressure could make my eyes fall out of my head … It’s not important to anyone but me. I guess I always have to feel shame for everything …
Just frustrated but I am fine XOXOXOX